at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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