Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
