Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
