Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize