Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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