decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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