the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Randomize
