I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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