i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
