Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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