you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
