we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
