My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
