last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
