wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
