Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize