Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
