he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
