I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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