I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
