My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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