people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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