Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We talked him into tasing himself.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
