I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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