My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize