I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
