she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize