Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
