Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize