At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
