I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
