I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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