Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
