It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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