can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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