Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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