I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
