woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
