I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
