I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Enjoy the penises
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
