i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I touched a dick in church today
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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