I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize