Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
