so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
