He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
