woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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