Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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