The maid of honor just puked.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
