You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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