I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
