There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
