my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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