yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
