Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize