She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
