i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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