Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
