how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
