i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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