there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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