so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
