CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize