I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
are you so shy because you have an std?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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