Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
