I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
