I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
