he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
